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Saturday, September 5, 2015

A Guns and Dope Party candidate [UPDATED]

Artwork promoting the Guns and Dope Party

The Guns and Dope Party has an announced candidate for president. White Lightning says he has filed with the FEC as a candidate. I have followed his Twitter account, which sometimes confuses me. Twitter may be confused, too, because when I followed @light_of_white, it recommended three "similar accounts": Arabia Now, from Saudi Arabia's U.S. embassy; Giggles ("Oops dropped me mums spaghetti") and bigballbumpty ("fuck all.")

Anyway, White Lightning's candidacy does not appear yet on the FEC's already long list of 2016 candidates for president (featuring Hillary Rodham Clinton, and also Dinesh Ravishanker, Mr. Ronald Reagan's Ghost and Hairy Jay-Mz MC Pawter of Griffyndor, among many others), but Mr. Lightning Tweeted a form showing that his filing has been confirmed.  Mr. Lightning also has released a record album.

A tipster wrote to the Guns and Dope Party website, and Richard Rasa of the  RAW Estate passed on the word, so I emailed several questions to the candidate, and he answered with one long statement, which I reproduce here.

Dear Tommy boi,

First off let me say thanks and I also would like to point out (you can put this in your article if you want) that I will answer some questions with a sort of odd twist that pertains to my fucked up persona.

I White Lightning, have spent a musical career basically pretending to be a human thats is comprised of all the social constructions that have been devised by americans in the form of racism, religion-based discrimination, and all around fucked up beliefs. The whole goal of White Lightning was to create a character so absurd yet would also make the listener take a good look and evaluation of their own life. I decided to run for president initially because I thought it could be a good album topic. However, the reason now is to show that even a candidate running under a party named "guns and dope party" has far better ideas than any other shitwad who actually has a chance of winning. Yes Hillary Donald and Jeb, I'm talking to you. I now run to promote the great ideas of my party and spread awareness that congress in fact is turning into a piece of shit. Though I initially stated my album was the inspiration to me running, I honestly couldn't care less how the sales do. White Lightning albums are literally based after what I thought cancer sounds like. The new motive is to fall second behind deez nuts in write ins as well as achieve my ultimate goal, start a Twitter war with at least one major fucker in congress. It's harder than you'd think. The guns and dope party literally is the most badass political party ever conceived. Its literally like if Abe Lincoln and Chuck Norris had the best sex of their lives and conceived a beautiful and promise filled political party that basically talks about how awesome ostriches and dope are. The number one thing that I actually and seriously agree with (to a limit if we are being serious) is the idea that people really should be able to do whatever the Fuck they want. I mean this not in a sense where I think people should be allowed to rape and murder people, but I believe that is people want to be gay, have abortions, smoke some dope, shoot off a gun(however, I will actually admit I believe that the gun registration process is a bit to shtty and easy in this country) marry a cat, or be a retard, we really should just fucking let them. I get really ticked off at issues with religious intervention because it's just a whole waste that only delays our progress as a society. Most of the bible preaching republican fuck boys haven't even read the damn book nor have they read or realized it's an out of date, sex and incest filled, shitty user of symbolism, and all around boring book. I'm also a registered Dudist Priest so if you want to join a religioun that promotes bowling, white Russian cocktails, and doing whatever the Fuck you want, join Dudeism. It's also free. I have problems with both democrats and republicans, but  the only candidate I see having any chance at being fairly decent is Joe Biden because he's like that fucking crazy uncle that is secretly a badass. And he's not even running yet. If any readers come across this interview, my main message is take time to look for a candidate that you actually want running your country, even if it's not a main candidate. Actually, especially if it's not a main candidate. Thank you.

UPDATE: After I wrote the above, I heard from BigBallBumpty, who writes, "Hey Tom,
It's the triple B!  You mentioned me on your latest post.  Me and White Lightning go WAAYYYY BACK (Proof: Build-a-Bear Workshop (ft. White Lightning), by BigBallBumpty).  We basically invented a subgenre of hip hop and fuck.  If his answer to your questions were too weird (idk), ask me or some shit.  I plan to be vice president under his position.  My submission has been confirmed.  AMA I guess.  We do indeed have motives."

The track he mentions isn't bad and is a free download. It's from the album, Fuck You, General Tso. 

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